waking dreams of snow
by Once Lyss
Summary: Kel searches for answers in the aftermath of a tragic event involving a female squire.


**waking dreams of snow**

Thank you to Imp for helping me reason out the many versions of this story and EPJ for betaing it and helping me figure out how to change what needed to be changed.

_The room outside the Chamber was silent, the air tight and crackling as they waited. Kel talked absently with Neal, knowing nothing of what she was saying. Her feet twitched as if wanting to pace, but she restrained them, forcing herself to remain relaxed, remain calm. Everything would be fine. Her eyes flickered towards the closed doors, wanting - no_ needing _something to happen._

_Then something did. The doors slid open and a petite, yet strongly built blond stumbled out, gasping and sweating heavily but otherwise just fine. Kel smiled broadly as she hurried to the girl, snatching a blanket absently from one of the attendants to wrap about her._

_"Yvette," she said, keeping her voice low and soothing even as she spread the blanket over her squire's shoulders._

_"Kel." Yvette looked up, eyes feverishly blank in the aftermath of the Ordeal. Her lips twitched in the slightest of smiles. "I made it."_

_Allowing herself a quick squeeze of her now former squire's shoulders, Kel then let go and nodded in agreement, pride making her throat close up. "So you did."_

_She stepped away then, letting friends and family surround the girl and pat her back, hug her tightly to them. Sometimes, Kel wondered if the Ordeal was not worse for the family and friends than for the squire in the aftermath of the upheavals a decade ago. The fear born then had proved itself less fleeting than thought - after all, had it happened once, it could happen twice._

_A small movement in the corner of her eye caught Kel's attention. A rangy girl in the beginnings of her teens was hovering by the doors, no doubt peeking to see what would come for herself in a few years. A second year page, Kel thought. Tia or something similar. She was showing a lot of promise in the training yard - perhaps she would be a good candidate for a new squire in a few years when she had settled after Yvette's knighting. It might be a good idea to keep an eye on her..._

Kel's eyes snapped open, the happy but tired face of Yvette dancing before her eyes even after waking. She could still feel the pride vaguely inside, accompanied by a sense of accomplishment Kel hadn't felt in quite a while. Not since... Kel banished the thought, choosing instead to edge out of her bed, empty for once of bedmates. With her sleep disturbed so often lately, they had taken to sleep on the furniture and rafters rather than her blankets. They were more sensible than her that way and certainly more rested.

Padding over to the window, Kel peered out at the moon and the stars visible above. Just past midnight, she judged. And still her bed was cold. He had been held up then, far beyond what he had expected. It might be for the best though, she admitted bitterly to herself. The dreams did not make her a pleasant bedmate. Nor a good Knight Master.

A pale face flashed in her mind, bringing with it memories of black bruises visible on tanned skin, reddish cuts past healing and haunted eyes devoid of all happiness. Two brown hands holding on to each other tightly, the frightened eyes of Yvette as she urged her sister to tell her, tell Kel what had happened. Kel squared her jaw tightly. She could still remember Fianola as a young girl, standing among the other pages as Kel watched them beside the training master, vaguely happy to see the girls had taken her advice from back then. Fianola had been serious and wide-eyed then, hope filling her eyes along with determination to make it into page training, to become a Lady Knight.

Two days ago, standing shivering in Kel's door, that hope had been all but gone. Neal was doing his best to save the remnants of it, working wonders with his gentle voice and eyes. But even he could only do so much to ease the pain of wounds someone who she should have been able to trust with her life had caused her. Was this truly what she wanted to encourage the girls to do? Enter page-training just to find themselves taken beyond the reasonable by conservative bigots wanting to rid the program of what they considered weakness? Was this really something she ought to be doing?

Kel opened her eyes and stepped away from the window. The door between her and Yvette's room was closed, but she eased it open to peer inside. Her squire was sleeping deeply. Good, Kel thought with a grim smile. The past days had not been easy for any of them. They wouldn't be within the foreseeable future either. Another circuit would soon depart, celebrating the birth of Shinko's and Roald's first child. There would be jousting and feasting. More girls hovering around the knights, watching with big, yearning eyes...

As Fianola had. Kel gritted her teeth and closed the door. She couldn't do this. Couldn't urge young girls to enter something that allowed Fianola's hell to happen. "He is just one man," Alanna had said as Kel had voiced her worries carefully during one of many meetings the past few days. "We cannot give in - to change our beliefs because of one isolated case would be to worsen things. Kel, you're a hero to these girls. You show them that it is possible to achieve their dreams in a way that I never can."

She wished she could be as sure. The division between duty and heart was growing deeper every day, encouraged by the dreams that never stopped, the dreams which had begun as she placed her hands on the doors of the Chamber after being relieved from her command at New Hope.

Kel's breath hitched as her mind stuttered to a stop. The Chamber.

Hurrying to the door, Kel snatched a cloak from its hook and headed out.

The corridors was empty this time at night even with the winter festivals approaching quickly and she found herself alone as she swept quickly through stone corridors and echoing halls. Her chest thudded as she reached that final stretch of corridor and she felt the being on the other side watching her sleepily as if content that she was finally moving. A flash of resentment flew through Kel's mind before she ruthlessly pushed it under the surface of the lake, knowing that unruly emotions had no place where she was going. Not now, not ever.

Gathering herself and settling a mask of stone on her face, Kel marched straight up to the outer walls surrounding the Chamber and lay her hands against the doors. Then she pushed and stepped inside.

_The darkness surrounded her and a terrible silence smothered her until her breath became uneven. She yearned to let out a scream and yet feared to make a sound. The panic rose within. Then the images came._

Mortal. _The not-voice of the Chamber sounded pleased with itself as she materialized in the empty plains that were its mind. She looked around. It hadn't changed much since she had last been there. Not that she would have expected it to. It had always struck her as ageless somehow, standing outside time._

_"The dreams," she said, taking a calming breath. She needed to keep her mind quiet for this. In the past, she had let herself become distracted. Not this time, she couldn't afford to. Not with what was at stake. "You have been telling me something."_

Indeed. _The Chamber made a rustling sound, almost as if it snuggled deeper within itself as it circled around her, watching forever after weaknesses to exploit._ And you have not been listening, _Protector of the Small._

_She didn't deny it, didn't need to. Her dismissal of the increasingly frequent dreams spoke louder than words. "No," Kel finally said as the silence remained._

Honest. But also defiant... _The Chamber shook slightly around her, and Kel took a quick step to the side in order to keep her balance, her heart thudding. The air had grown cold._

You have been given a task, _it abruptly said, the world around her fading away into endless black. Kel shivered, looking around cautiously._

_"A task?" she said, trying not to sound as unsettled as she was._

Yes.

_A prickle went up and down her back as a soundless wind blew through the void around her. Something was wrong. Kel bit her lip, focusing desperately on water and stone, the white wings of herons rising above water. She needed her calm, it could not abandon her._

I see your mind, _it said as if nothing had happened._ The denial, the hesitation, the fear of what may come. Such human emotions. All encouraging you to remain deaf.

_"Deaf?" Kel asked, something harsh and acid rising in her throat._

_The Chamber ignored her._ Therefore, you have been granted a gift. You will See what is, what might have been. And you will Hear once more.

_And with that, the world turned upside down and she forgot. Forgot and _remembered

_A small girl, padding beside her mother along the dusty road to the temple, stumbled every now and then on the hem of her kimono. Her mother righted her gently each time, never saying anything, simply there to catch her before she fell. In her hand, she held a heavy, smooth staff crowned by a wicked-looking blade._

_"Mother?" the small girl said, falling in beside her, reaching to catch her sleeve with small, strong fingers. "I want to be like you when I grow up and have a glaive and save the temple from raiders and protect people."_

_A soft, discreet smile fluttered over the woman's face, gracefully hid by the sleeve of her kimono. "And I'm sure you will, Keladry. You certainly have the mindset."_

_The memory swept away, replacing itself with dazzling colors before fading into another scene. The little girl, grown now, watching with a gray face as the ship that held her parents caught fire and then exploded. She didn't scream, didn't cry. All she did was stare. Then a dark cloak swept around her as her brother tucked her to him, hiding her face against his chest. "Don't watch, Keladry," he said, eyes distant and voice hoarse. "Don't watch." She couldn't help but wonder if the words were more for himself than for her, but she nevertheless burrowed her face into the softness of his shirt, squeezing her eyes shut and wishing she could cry._

The soft material of the kimono swept against her legs as she walked two steps behind Shinko, approaching the throne. The heaviness of the fan tucked in her sleeve was a comfortable reminder that even though she was in a strange land that would have been familiar once upon a time, there were reasons to keep her back straight and her neck softly bowed as she knelt gracefully just behind Shinko. To remain a beautiful and exotic piece of decoration in the eyes of the court even as she under the cover of her lashes assessed possible threats to her friend and Princess.

A discreet shift from Yuki had her glancing to the side. "See that red haired young man?" Yuki whispered under the cover of a long, exclusive sleeve.

Kel scanned the crowd around them, feeling a shiver of something unknown as she caught the emerald eyes of a lanky young man with light brown hair brushed back from a widow's peak. He stared at her for a few seconds, then winked at her. Suddenly flushing, Kel hid her face behind the sleeve of her kimono and turned her face away, ignoring the broad smile on Yuki's face behind her sleeve. A calm mountain lake. A stone. An icy mountain peak.

"I believe someone has taken a liking to you," she said, voice amused.

Kel was just about to retort when Shinko rose and her two attendants rose with her, heads bowed. Letting her hands fall calmly to clasp each other (and incidentally the fan) within the cover of her kimono, Kel padded after Shinko to the chairs put aside for them, wishing briefly that she had worn something more suitable than the high sandals worn by ladies of their rank. Tortall was colder than she was used to this time of year.

The king, Jonathan of Tortall, continued talking as soon as they had claimed their seats. Grateful for the rest, Kel ignored him in favor of continuing to keep a close watch on the crowd. It wasn't her duty to watch for the political machinations of the court: that particular chore fell to Yuki. Her eyes brushed over the young man again and she felt her cheeks warm ever so slightly

"Kel?" Snapping to attention, she turned towards Shinko, smiling as the other tilted her head discreetly in her direction. "Have you seen any of your brothers?"

Ignoring the stab of sadness, Kel shook her head. She had been looking forward to seeing the brothers she had left behind when their parents died, but so far, she had seen none. Perhaps they were even dead - a knight's profession was not a safe one. "I'm afraid not," she replied, keeping her voice soft and silent.

Shinko's eyes darkened slightly in empathy, the only sign of her emotions she permitted to show. "Perhaps I will inquire with the king later." A small smile fluttered over her face. "We have been invited to dine later this evening."

"Oh." Kel bit the inside of her cheek to keep from smiling broadly. Keeping her emotions hidden was easier for her than for most people outside of the Yamani Islands, but she was still far from as unreadable as the Yamani themselves. "With the royals, I suppose?"

She nodded. "And a few of the higher ranked personae of this court, as I understood it."

"Hmm." Kel frowned as a man out of the crowd edged a bit closer to them than she felt comfortable with. Removing the fan from her sleeve, she flipped it open and fanned slowly with it as if in need of air. The steel hidden within the folds of the soft material was reassuring to have at hand, but she still couldn't help but wish for the glaive within her baggage. Only a fool would attack the princess and her entourage when they were armed with the pike-like weapons. Next to her Yuki did the same, following her cue.

The man backed away, perhaps out of respect for the guard shifting stance pointedly a few yards away. Kel relaxed, but didn't put away the fan.

It felt like ages until the audience ended, even for someone as used to the Emperor's audiences as Kel. When Prince Roald came over to take the arm of his future bride, Kel rose with relief to fall in behind them, an almost petite red-haired woman Kel could only vaguely recognize falling in beside her. A glance at her chest provided her with a heraldry and she knew.

"Lioness," she murmured politely behind her fan, daring to look up and meet her eyes as the Lioness grinned broadly at her. This woman was no Yamani and would not expect Kel to behave as one. A relief perhaps, but also a responsibility.

"Call me Alanna," the woman said, nodding to Yuki as Kel's friend swept up on her other side. "You're Keladry of Mindelan, am I right?"

Kel inclined her head, smiling slightly while nimbly stepping over a threshold. "I am. I mostly go by Kel these days though." Daring to be brazen, she flipped her fan shut and lifted her head in a way a Yamani woman of stature never allowed herself in public. "You know my brothers?"

"Of course." Alanna grinned, tugging at her elaborate brocade tunic. This wasn't a woman comfortable with finery and court manners. "Good men, both of them. Anders served with me a while back - he told me his sister had gone to live with the Yamani after your parents' deaths." Her face softened slightly. "I hope I'm not too rude by asking, but why the Yamani? I'm sure any of your brothers would have been delighted to take you in."

Yuki tittered slightly at that, her fan primly held in front of her face. She knew very well the reasons behind Kel's decision, it being a common subject of discussion back, well, home. "Kel wanted to be a warrior," she said, her voice teasing and eyes gleaming.

Kel tapped Yuki's hand softly with her own fan - harmless to other people's eyes, but the heavy steel frame and razor-sharp blades left a sting in the flesh even at the softest touch. "I wanted to follow in my mother's footsteps," she corrected, the muscles in her cheek twitching as she tried to keep from sticking her tongue out at Yuki. "To do that, I needed to stay with the Yamani." She flipped her fan open again, hiding the slightly bitter twist of her mouth as she continued. "I had spent more time on the Yamani Islands than I had in Tortall by age ten. It was my home."

Not fooled by their act, Alanna raised an eyebrow at that. "I see." She tilted her head, peering towards the head of their little group. Turning to Kel then, she nodded curtly. "In any case, I came over to tell you that your brothers are expected to arrive here tomorrow - the weather kept them from coming earlier." Starting to pick up her pace, Alanna said almost over her shoulder: "I hope we'll have the time to talk more later, Kel."

She nodded, then fell into position again with Yuki at her side. The Lioness. Kel smiled softly. When she had been little, Alanna had been her greatest hero. Back when her parents had still been alive, it had been her dream to one day come to Corus and become a knight. That dream had died an abrupt death with them, replaced with a fierce desire to continue what her parents had begun, to do what they would no longer be able to and forge an alliance between Tortall and the Yamani and instead she had become what she was now: an adopted Yamani and the confidante of Princess Shinkokami, future wife of Crown Prince Roald of Tortall. She didn't know if becoming a knight would have made her life better or worse, but to be honest, Kel liked her life as it was.

Flicking her fan in Yuki's direction, she shared a smile with her friend as they spotted the lean young man from before approaching them from the head of the group. Then she frowned, catching sight of someone just behind him walking along casually. Too casually.

"Yuki." She tensed her wrist, fan falling still in front of her face.

"I see him," Yuki responded, taking one step up and to the left, falling in at Shinko's shoulder.

Assured that Shinko would be taken care of, Kel lengthened her stride ever so slightly as if meeting the young man approaching half way. He flushed slightly, a grin appearing on his face that was more than a little goofy. Kel ignored him. He wasn't her quarry. For the moment at least.

The look on his face as she glided past him was wounded and she felt a stab of guilt. Then she dismissed everything from her mind except the young man who was already edging discreetly towards the young couple a few steps behind her. He had not shown any movements towards violence yet, but...

The man made a strange , frighteningly familiar movement with his arm and Kel dashed towards him without pausing to thinking even as Yuki calmly slid between him and Shinko at her cue - the shield to Kel's sword. The thin blade sliding out of the sleeve of the man's tunic fell clattering to the ground as Kel shoved him against the stone wall, eyes slitted and the razor-sharp blades of her fan pressed against the bare skin of his throat.

"Princess Shinkokami?" she asked nailing the man to the wall with her eyes, daring him to move.

"Safe," Yuki replied, her voice hard, all softness gone in the face of a threat.

Kel smiled viciously then, willingly stepping aside as the king's guards came to her side, having caught sight of the knife. Bowing submissively to Roald as he approached, face white and eyes hard as stone she returned to her charge. The three of them exchanged a look. Even Tortall appeared to have its share of court politics. Kel's lips twitched even as Shinko's eyes glittered back at her. Just like home already.

_She snapped out of the illusion in shock, gasping for breath she didn't need as her mind struggled to make sense of what was, what had been. Was she a Yamani court assassin who'd lost her parents or a knight of Tortall, struggling to protect those in need? She had both sets of memories, echoes of what if repeating in her mind._

_But then it all disappeared again and a young woman, well in her teens, stared at the bruises lining another woman�fs arms and throat before they faded away and were replaced by the same women fighting, the teen-aged one clearly teaching the other, both smiling broadly, if the formerly bruised one a bit timidly. "Well done, Lalasa," the teacher said, brushing sweaty hair from her face. The smile she received in return was akin to a small sun that brightened even further and brought her to--_

_The teen-aged girl was older now, asleep in her bed, tossing and turning. A small dog rested at the foot of her bed and there were sparrows seated here and there in the room. Suddenly, the girl snapped awake, eyes glowing briefly in an inhuman way before settling back into brown. But there was still something queer about her as she slung her feet off the bed and almost hypnotically started for the door, interestingly enough not forgetting to snatch a robe and a weapon on the way out despite her evident preoccupation._

_Hurrying through the corridors, face blank and eyes still holding that strange quality of otherness, the girl knocked heavily on a door, seemingly at random. Knocked, until the door opened to reveal a ruffled and grumpy man holding a sword in his hands and looking thoroughly out of sorts, especially as he caught sight of the girl. At first he seemed angry, but then his face changed abruptly as the girl smiled. "I have been called by the Goddess."_

Keladry sat up in bed, pulling the sheets with her to cover her bare body as she absently tucked a loose strand of short, light brown hair behind an ear. A short look out the window assured her that it was still late at night - it wasn't yet necessary to go. She looked down at the man sharing her bed, frowning lightly at his sprawled composure and the white-blond hair spread around his head. Joren of Stone Mountain truly had changed little in looks since she had last met him during page training, and if she had been asked two weeks before, she would have said he had changed little in personality as well. As it was, that presumption of inertia was the only reason she was there. Unfortunately - or perhaps fortunately? - it was becoming increasingly clear that her assumptions were wrong.

Easing out of the bed, she was not startled as Joren's arm sneaked around her waist, a sleepy eye peering up from the ruffled bed. "Going so early, you little minx?" His voice was sleepy, but still sensual enough to cause Kel's stomach to lurch unexpectedly. "I still haven't paid you back for that bite mark - it's going to show, as you no doubt are aware."

Kel grinned, an expression that was beginning to become discomfortingly genuine as the time passed and he grew to be more than an assignment, more than a potential abuser. "Of course," she said, raking a blunt nail down his bared arm. If she allowed herself to think about it, she was afraid that the whore persona she had adopted for this mission was rapidly dissolving as she found herself forgetting to play the part and let herself bleed through. Maybe she should ask to be switched out. Then she swallowed a moan as Joren caught her hand and nipped at her fingertip. Or maybe not. Joren had already proved not to be the rapist they were seeking and he had certainly not done anything to her�\at least, nothing she hadn�ft reciprocated.

Sighing, she tugged her hand loose and rose from the bed. "Unfortunately," Kel said with a slight teasing wink, "some of us don't have the whole night off."

Joren's face darkened - imperceptibly to someone who had not followed his every step for the two past weeks - but he nevertheless nodded, choosing not to comment as he did other nights. If Kel didn't know better, she would almost call him resigned.

Gathering up her clothes (and the hidden knives she carried at all times), Kel paused long enough in the door to give him another wink, then disappeared down the corridor of the inn to the stairs. She had an informant to meet ? undercover or not, the Goddess' warriors still needed to help women in need wherever they were, and her duty was gathering information and helping in the more...violent events. Her hand tightened on the knife hidden neatly in a sash around her waist. What she wouldn't give to have her glaive, or even her sword. But unfortunately, neither fit with her current cover.

Kel walked briskly down the street, ducking into a darkened alley with the precision of someone who knew their way around the seedier quarters of Corus. If her informant - a young woman working for the butcher on Thatcher Street - were able to slip away tonight as she thought she could, Kel would find her in the alley two down from the Drunken Cat inn. A dog barked as she passed the inn and a brief look inside told her that it was full tonight, a minstrel of some kind drawing a crowd. She frowned at some familiar faces she could see through the open door; it wouldn't do not to have this place watched. Nobles had an unfortunate tendency to be repeat receivers of the Goddess' justice, having the money to pay the fines off.

There had been a few changes since Kel had been on this street last, she noticed as she sidestepped what looked like a not-so-temporary horse rack with a grimace and patted the nose of a particularly friendly plow pony. Perhaps she should change the meeting place ? those horses would make a racket if things ever came to a blow. And they did, as she had learned at the hands of Wyldon back in the day. Be prepared for the unexpected they had taught her then. It still held true.

A discreet glance over her shoulder and then Kel ducked into the correct alley. She could see a shadow further in - the girl had come then. Kel frowned as she took in the dejected stance of her. Something had happened, gone wrong? Her hand slipped unbidden to her knife. Walking slower now, she peered through the shadows, straining her eyes. "Zinnia?" she asked, coming to a halt merely feet away from the girl. "Has something happened?"

Zinnia's head snapped up, a pale light in the darkness, and Kel could clearly see the bruises on her face. "I'm sorry," she choked, reaching for Kel even as she stepped closer in worry. "I'm..."

Kel shoved Zinnia out of the way as she sensed something diving at her from behind. Pulling her knife, she whipped around, shouting for the girl to take cover. Blocking a sword with a trembling effort, Kel swore to herself. She should have known. Heaving back the attacker with more will than power, Kel took the brief respite to assure herself he was alone.

"Lying await for a poor, innocent little girl," she taunted, backing to cover Zinnia's position more clearly while keeping her eye on her attacker. "Whatever has the world gotten to?"

The shadow didn't answer, apparently having the wits to see through her distraction. Kel bit her lip and dodged a cautionary attack. He knew his fighting then. Not good. No matter how you looked at him, being armed with only a knife against a swordsman was bad business ? it didn't matter how skilled you were. She needed to take him out, and that fast, before he could correctly judge his skill. Saying a brief prayer to the Goddess, Kel asked for forgiveness before taking a deep breath. This wouldn't be fun.

Teasing an attack towards the upper part of his body, Kel watched for the moment he reached to block and dived, rolling over the ground between them to shoot up from nowhere, knife at ready and stabbing him deep in the stomach, pulling the knife with her weight to tear through his leather jerkin and open a wound too grave to ignore. Then, diving away as the man staggered backwards, holding his stomach with a white, astonished face, Kel worked herself to her feet in a ready stance, prepared if she had somehow misjudged her target.

She hadn't. Even now, the shadowy man was holding his stomach tightly, trying to bring the blood flow to an end and failing miserably. Kel knew her skills. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't clean and it certainly wasn't fair. But it worked. She looked away, glancing in the general direction of where she had left Zinnia, only to see the girl running away, no doubt fearing her as much as her attacker. Another contact would have to be assigned to her - if Zinnia ever approached Kel again after this show of violence, she would be beyond surprised.

Wiping the knife on her skirt, Kel steeled herself to take care of the attacker only to nearly jump out of her skin as Joren appeared out of nowhere, fully dressed and awake with a strange look on his face that slowly faded into a broad grin as he settled against a wall, arms crossed. "A whore indeed," he said, voice even and eyes glittering at her even through the darkness. "I guess you were more of a spitfire than I imagined."

Eying him cautiously, Kel edged over to the attacker, kneeling beside the fallen man to take account of the damage. Joren didn't move, simply watched her as she looked over his injuries and checked on his state of consciousness. Kel gritted her teeth as she leaned back on her heels. Without a healer, he wouldn't last the night and even then, it would be an even chance he would die. And with a warrior of the Goddess testifying he was a women beater, a healing wouldn't be granted. Feeling sick to her stomach, Kel grabbed her knife again, then slit the man's throat. The blood gushed over her hands and she had to swallow her nausea as she stumbled back and to her feet. She truly hated this part, as much as she enjoyed being who she was.

Joren nodded as she wiped her knife off for the second time that night, looking as if he had had his questions answered. Kicking off the wall, he approached her but kept well out of the personal space he so enthusiastically invaded merely hours before. "You didn't stop training when you left, I see," he said blandly, coming to a stop.

Kel managed a sick smile. "Quite the opposite," she said, keeping her voice from shaking with an effort. If killing the man had made her want to throw up, losing Joren made her feel things she didn't want to identify. "I'm one of the Goddess'."

"Reasonable." He smiled then, and Kel could feel a knot loosen in her stomach. Offering her a hand, he met her eyes head on. "Come on, I'll follow you to the Guards to report in. After that, maybe we can talk. There seems to have been a lot you haven't told me."

Kel took his hand with a brief shake of the head. Always the pragmatist. She opened her mouth to retort.

_She started in confusing, lifting her hands to her eyes. No blood. Clean. Had the man been the one she had tried to catch? What had happened? Death. Death and killing. She was no stranger to it, and yet... The intimacy of slitting someone's throat, feeling his life blood welling over your hands... With a shudder, she tried to banish the image and failing. It would always bother her, always had._

_She frowned. Always had? The Yamani weren't in favor of slitting people's throats, falling on their swords were whole other matter... Or should that be the Tortallans? Her mind churned with the possibilities, trying to make sense of what was happening. She could almost hear a dry laugh surrounding her, an echo saying: "Be careful what you wish for." Then something unknown appeared in her mind and..._

_The girl was angrily packing her things, an older girl hovering worriedly by the door to the second room, wringing her hands as she did so._

_"But my Lady!" she exclaimed, eyes wide. "You should not be made to suffer for any events out of your reach! If you had not come for me..."_

_The girl fixed a smile to her face, turning to face her anxious maid. "Don't be foolish, Lalasa." Walking over, she put a hand on Lalasa's, looking into her eyes. "Saving you are worth much more than a dream." She laughed bitterly. "To be honest, I am not completely sure I could stand the company of men who value a wonderful person like you so little that they would have me not saving you at all."_

_Tears welled in Lalasa's eyes. "But my Lady...!"_

_The girl's face softened, even though the bitterness still lay in her eyes. "Don't worry about me. Lord Raoul has offered me a place with the King's Own. I won't lose everything."_

Riding into camp at the head of her own company, Kel couldn't help but remember the bitter events of many years past as she caught sight of the flags heralding the presences of several knights, among them Alanna the Lioness and her own Commander, Knight Commander Lord Raoul. Once upon, she could have been one of them, but it had not been meant to be. Calling her right hand to her side, she glanced at the weathered man, frowning at his tense look. "Something is wrong?" she silently asked, knowing to trust the hunches of her closest man.

Aiden eased closer to her in his seat, steering his horse by his knees only. "We are missing a flag." He looked pointedly to an open place in the west, the tents raised to surround it apparently empty of people.

Tensing, Kel peered in the direction pointed out and swore. "You're right." She ground her teeth, cataloging the banners whipping in the wind. "But who are we missing? The knights mentioned in the dispatches are all here."

He shook his head. "I don't know." They shared a brief look, Aiden nodding. "But I will find out."

Nudging his horse away and into the crowd, Aiden disappeared in the general direction of command as Kel brought her current steed - Tarrow - to a halt, slipping off his back even as a large number of attendants scurried to her side, ready to take care of things the moment she let them. Their arrival was heralded, and she didn't doubt her own tent was already pitched and ready for occupation somewhere in the mess surrounding Raoul.

With a sigh, she brushed her dusty hands against her breeches, looking sorrowfully at her patched and dirty linen shirt. It had seen heavy duty these past couple of days; even her fine clothing having to be sacrificed to serve as undergarments for her armor. Normally, she would have been ashamed to report to duty in such clothes, but... Kel sighed. Some things just couldn't be helped. Trusting her third-in-command to find his place at her side, Kel headed off for Raoul's command center. Goddess help them all that he was in a good mood, or she would never see dinner.

The pavilion was, not unexpected, almost full to the brim with people in the large, open room. Marren, her third-in-command, snatched a desk clerk for them from the mess, looking down at her pointed face with a sigh. Raoul wasn't really one for paper work, and the desk clerks knew it. "Go tell Lord Raoul that Commander Keladry has reported in," he said, Kel already heading for the waiting area.

The clerk paled. "Keladry?" she squeaked. "Thank Mithros! We've been expecting you for days!"

Marren's mouth twisted in a mirror image of her own, no doubt remembering the hold-up just a few miles off the camp. "Well, there were unexpected circumstances," he said.

The clerk pretty much ignored him, pitching her voice to Kel, who had stopped and turned around at the first hint of trouble. "The Lord says you're to go in straight away. No waiting, he said." She sobered ever so slightly, something haunted creeping into her voice. "There have been...accidents."

"Accidents," Kel echoed, possibilities running through her mind at amazing speed. She liked none of them. Ignoring the clenching of her stomach, she dismissed any further delay and made her way through the crowd with liberal use of her elbows. This couldn't wait. Not any longer than it already had.

Raoul's personal office lay in the middle of the pavilion, protected from the worst of the mess and, incidentally, assassins. The doors were guarded every hour of the day and night by men loyal to the point of death. Kel just walked past them, everyone of any worth knowing who she was and on whose authority she did so. You just didn't mess with Keladry, as her men proudly said in spouts of boasting.

As expected, her commander was sitting slumped behind his desk, scanning a paper intently with tired eyes. Kel cleared her throat as he didn't look up at her arrival, slightly amused as his head immediately snapped up, eyes clearing at the sight of her.

"Kel!" he exclaimed, getting to his feet and walking around his desk to grab her roughly by the shoulders, embracing her warmly. "You took your time getting here."

"Well," she jestingly said, "we had a few problems south of the forest line - a bunch of raiders who thought they could take us on - but I thought we dealt with them rather expediently."

"I'm sure you did." Raoul shook his head, something amused slipping over his face. "By Mithros, Kel. Only you could manage to run into raiders that far south of the border."

"We all have our talents," Kel said, bowing her head in mock bashfulness.

"You certainly do." Raoul's voice deepened, a hint of something dark creeping into it. "And we need yours right now, badly."

Kel frowned at him. "We noticed the lack of people in the area by the great oak. What's going on out here?"

Raoul shook his head. "It's not really my story to tell." Walking over to his desk, he snatched a scroll from the top of a stack before returning to her. "Come on, we'll go to Alanna's tent. She knows more of these things than I do."

She nodded, falling in at his side as they stepped out into the chaos again. Marren had abandoned her long ago in order to take care of company business, and she wasn't surprised to see that Aiden was still gone. Raoul might be giving her the higher-up's version of things, but in her experience, it never hurt to hear what the men thought about the things going on.

The Lioness' tents didn't lie far beyond the limits of Raoul's quarters, but it nevertheless was a bit of a walk. With a frown, Kel noticed the heavy guard attaching to them the moment they stepped outside the tent, multiple sets of eyes following their every step. The murmuring crowd, the hushed voices as they approached. The haunted eyes of Knight Cleon as he passed them, an attachment of guards surrounding him that rivaled the one guarding her own steps. She felt her heart beat once, twice, frantic with worry and panic before the years of experience took over and settled over her in an unnatural calm. The only sign of her increasing uneasiness was the quickening of her steps.

Alanna was waiting in the doorway as they arrived, almost invisible behind the line of guards between her and everyone else. Her violet eyes were tired, her red hair messy and lank ? that, and her rumpled clothes spoke of days in the field. She didn't look well.

"Raoul. Kel." Her voice was low and drained even as she attempted a surprisingly genuine smile. "Good to finally have you here." Waving them inside, she ducked through the tent flaps.

Kel bit her lip, cast a final look around her in search of Aiden and then followed, Raoul quick on her heels. The air inside stank of blood and dried mud - even now, Kel could see a servant scurrying around at the back of the tent that served as Alanna's bedroom, taking care of what was most likely their mistress' battle gear. She was recently back, then, which seemed strange in correlation to Raoul's reaction to her coming. They had sent for her almost a week ago. It seemed that this emergency was more recent than that.

Alanna didn't bother to offer them refreshments or even a seat, leaving it to them to take what they wanted. Kel hovered undecided by the exit, then chided herself for acting foolish and strode over to a field chair. She was a seasoned officer, had sat in on councils with far more influential people than these two before. It shouldn't be different now, even though it for some reason was.

Her back turned towards Kel and her fellow commander, Alanna began to speak, mostly for Kel's sake. "Three days ago, I left for a scouting mission along with Neal." Neal, Kel's friend and Alanna's former squire. Kel's blood froze to ice. She had been surprised not to see the Queenscove banners among the rest of them when she arrived, but Neal had been working solo missions lately. It hadn't concerned her overly. Apparently, it should have.

"We happened upon a scouting group of raiders near the camp," Alanna continued, her knuckles white as she leaned onto the battered desk she'd claimed as her own. "Our arrival surprised them, but not enough to compensate for their greater numbers." Her breath stuttered and Kel could almost feel the clenching of her heart. Abruptly, the Lioness turned around and fixed her intensive gaze at Kel. "Neal was captured opening an escape way for me and the rest of the company. We have good reason to fear he has already died at the hands of his captors."

Something hard and misgiving settled in Kel's throat, the sour feeling intensifying in her stomach. Neal. A warm, safe hand settled on her back, making a soothing motion along her spine. Concentrating on that, Kel forced the feelings of panic back, slowly, getting her breathing back on track. Once upon a time, she might have used the image of a mountain lake. This time, she thought of nothing but reality and of the inescapable truth. Neal might be dead. The rest of them were still alive. And they would keep on living as long as she had the power to fight.

"Have we sent spies to ascertain his death?" she said, her voice hoarse but clear. The hand on her back stilled slowly, settled at the base of her spine, tightening ever so slightly against her skin. It felt good.

Alanna nodded, slumping back against her desk. "Yes. Daine sent one of hers as soon as remotely possibly. She's on her way together with Numair - they were securing the refuge camp Wyldon have created."

"Haven." Raoul spoke quietly beside her. "But in either case: we have to do something about that camp - we can't have the damn bastards settled in a base on this side of the border."

Letting herself forget the personal nature of the current meeting, Kel let her mind drift further into business. "What about the groups you were concerned about in your summons?"

"Taken care of," Raoul told her. "Dom took them out on his way here."

A small smile appeared at the corner of her mouth and Kel caught Raoul's eyes. "Dom's here?"

He raised an eyebrow. "You think he'd be anywhere else when his Meathead is captured?"

Her good mood disappeared as suddenly as it had arrived. "True." Taking a deep breath, Kel looked over at Alanna. "Is it--"

The tent flap was shoved open roughly and Aiden slipped in, an urgent expression on his face. Without stopping, he tossed a sealed missive at Kel. "It just arrived with Jump." The second incarnation of the dog had taken up running missives between groups within Kel's command in recent months. And to have Aiden storm into a meeting without leave with one... Kel ripped it open and quickly scanned the lines. When she looked up, it was with a sickly smile on her lips.

"It seems it won't be necessary to find that raider group." She tossed the paper to Alanna and closed her eyes for a second before steeling herself and finishing the report. "They're coming here."

Raoul frowned at her. "Here? But..." He froze, something cold entering his eyes even as his lips twisted into a dark grin. "They're betting all on one strike."

The smile he received in return was vicious. Kel felt the knot in her stomach loosening and she had to ignore the sudden righteous anger swimming to the surface. "And they don't know Numair and Daine are on their way," she finished.

Alanna put down the paper with a decisive thump, grinning wildly. There was no warmth in her eyes, only violent fire. "Well. It seems like we finally might have reached a turning point to this war." She paused, the anger subsiding every so slightly. "With the main force away, it should be easy to slip in and extract Neal should he be alive."

The room was silent. They all knew the probability of that happening. Just as they knew that Neal's sacrifice might win them the war if only because it had brought Numair and Daine there to counter the killing devices in Scanra's army. Blood soaked hope, but hope nevertheless.

_Neal? Neal was dead. She shuddered, choking and wishing desperately that she could cry. Her bloodied hands were starting to itch even as she fought to keep her composure. It couldn't be, it was..._

_Wrong. It was wrong._

_And her mind returned with a snap. She wasn't Yamani. She wasn't a warrior of the Goddess. She wasn't a commander in King's Own. She was Keladry, knight of the realm, former commander of New Hope. They had already turned the tide of the war, Joren was dead and her parents were blessedly alive._

Do you hear me now? _The voice of the Chamber broke into her thoughts, crisp and clear as a knife blade._ You have been chosen to bring a new age to the mortal realm, where the daughters of the Goddess may stand beside the sons of Mithros. Do not test their or my patience further by continuing to remain inactive.

And without further ado, she was back outside, breathing harshly, her knees giving out under her. The memories were already fading, but she could still feel the resolution, the understanding they had left her with. Kel's hand went to the chain around her neck as she knelt on the floor, a small smile on her lips. She had the feeling she would be able to sleep again now.

"Kel." The soft voice came from behind her even as a pair of warm hands settled in her armpits and helped her to her feet, slipping an arm around her waist. She looked up sheepishly to meet Dom's worried eyes, his hair and clothes rumpled from a late-night meeting. "How are you?"

Leaning heavily at him, her muscles drained from whatever the Chamber had put her through, Kel nodded. "I'm fine." She frowned slightly, poking him in the side. "What are you doing here?"

He shrugged. "The bed was empty when I returned from the council. The sparrows were rather anxious to help me find you."

"Hmm." Trusting her legs to hold her up for that brief moment, she tiptoed to peck him on the mouth. "Let's go back then."

Dom chuckled, starting to walk them towards the door. "Fine. But tomorrow you'll tell me why you paid a midnight visit to the Chamber."

"We'll see, we'll see." Shuffling her way out of the room, she hesitated slightly at the threshold, glancing back over her shoulder. What had really happened in there? She remembered going in there feeling as if she was ready to break. Exiting it... She felt settled in a way she hadn't felt in a long while.

A shiver of recognition racked her body at the thought, a brief glimpse of bloodied hands, heavy steel disguised as a lady's toy and a feeling of driven coldness echoing through her mind. Dom paused slightly in mid step, looking cautiously at her. Kel shook her head, letting the warmth of his presence chase away the memories. Perhaps some things, she was better off not knowing.

She didn't close her ears to the call of destiny again.


End file.
